I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
