He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
