dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
