Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
