wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
