I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a hot homeless man
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
