everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
