Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
