butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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