when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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