mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
