How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
