what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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