So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
