I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
