I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
