And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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