I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
