why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this just has baby written all over it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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