3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
