You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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