I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
