So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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