I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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