I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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