Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
