Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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