Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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