Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
