uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize