In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
