I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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