There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
