We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
