there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
