I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
