were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
