I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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