Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
