ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
