Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
