I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
