I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
