one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
