just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
