um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
