omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
