I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
