it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
