brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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