Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
