You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
