Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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