Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
