Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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