4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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