MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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