It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He shit in the fireplace
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize