We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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