We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
