The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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