God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
