Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
