That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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