We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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