i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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