At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
