Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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