No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
