the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
