Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
