just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
