Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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