I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize