I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
