He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
