what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
