My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
