That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
