Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
no more duck duck goose at the bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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