This is not my ceiling
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
