I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
