I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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