I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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