never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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