I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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